my friend is dieing and im watching

jess2684 — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 22:33:02 +0000

My friend is dieing and I’m watching. Not dieing in a physical sense, but just him in general. The stuff that made him, him, is just dieing, and I feel like I’m losing him. That doesn’t bother me that much though, the fact is, he dieing and killing himself painfully. From when I first met him, he was a kind, quiet caring boy. He listened to my problems during my parents divorce. He was also a smart kid, 95 and above student. Now in present day, I’m scared to talk to him. I’m scared to tell him stuff because it’s like a can’t get through to him. He shows no emotions or caring anymore, if anything he criticizes me. I would tell him, and open up and say I care about how he feels, and how I don’t ever want him to be hurt, and that’s when he shows he has no more sympathy or caring in him because he ignores my care for him, and hurts me instead.He probably thinks I’m a bunch of fake drama, but i couldn’t be more true to him. And yet again,even that doesn’t bother me too bad.What bothers me is, he’s killing him self, he started skipping last year, and all i did was make comments about it. he went from the 95 and above, to failing 65 and below. again all i did was make comments about it, why? Cause i didn’t want to make him upset, he was my only friend who helped me through my depression in 8th grade. He’s addicted to texting, and facebook. school is of little importance to him. What future it that bringing him, i want so bad to yell in his face, to tell him to open his eyes and look around! To see how he’s hurting me, nate, and himself! I know his opinion would be different, and if he ever saw this, he would just be mad, and yell at me for how studid I am! but i want him to see i love him soo much(not romantically) and I don’t want him to die! but all it seems that i can ever do, is watch! because if i say something to him, he will get mad, and the problem contiunues. if I don’t say anything, it will be my fault if his future is in ruins. So i just hope so badly that he’ll be ok in the future and i’ll hope he doesn’t need me because he’s always trying to get me away from him when he says “this isn’t any of ur concern”. The goes with the, my friend is dieing and im watching.because it will be my concern in you are a mess up in ur future. why can’t i save him? why am i watching him die? why can’t i beat the shit out of him to get through to him, so he will listen to what i have to say? I’m writing this post for future reference. So in the future i look at this post and eaither say, “i told you so joey” or i hope so badly i can say “wow im an idiot, joey ur amazing, can’t believe i thought that stuff was gonna happen”.

What a year.

jess2684 — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 04:10:36 +0000

I’m not a ninth grader anymore. So this will be the last post in this blog. I don’t really feel like starting another blog. Even if I did, I wouldn’t put any effort in to it, and will probably end up with only 4 posts. Skimming through my blog, I see so many times when I break down crying, and times where I’m just insane. There’s also those posts about boys, homework, and friends. They sort of irk me, but maybe that’s just me growing up away from those issues. Sometimes, I’m changing so fast, it scares me. I won’t announce what my new blog for 10th grade will be(if I even make one). So try to find it yourself.

What do I got to do today?

jess2684 — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 01:06:15 +0000

Well today has been very productive for me. First, I got a 65 on my spanish speaking final. No it’s not a 65 out of 65. It’s 65%. Atleast I passed. Blah, I hate this, I’m slipping acedemically every year. I had an 100 average in 5. Now it’s down to a 90 average. Geez, what if I get to college with a 20 average. I have a lot of homework, hurrah…

Photoshoped Ipod touch

jess2684 — Sun, 24 May 2009 05:22:07 +0000

jess2684 — Sat, 16 May 2009 19:35:48 +0000

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my friend is dieing and im watching

What a year.

What do I got to do today?

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